What to Do When an LGBTQ+ Alcoholic Relapses

Watching an LGBTQ+ loved one relapse can be gut-wrenching. No queer person who works hard to stop using alcohol ever wants to experience a relapse, which means a return to using substances again. But relapse is a common experience for LGBTQ+ people recovering from addiction. If an LGBTQ+ person you know experiences a relapse, there are several ways that you can help support and encourage them to move forward in their recovery. It’s normal to experience a flood of emotions. You may feel angry, sad, and resentful. You thought this was behind your family or chosen family, and now, here you are again. The fact is, relapse happens a lot, and it doesn’t mean that your LGBTQ+ loved one is doomed to a life of alcohol addiction.

What to Know About Alcoholic Relapse Among LGBTQ+ People

Relapse following alcohol addiction recovery does not just happen at random. LGBTQ+ people who are about to relapse are usually at risk due to environmental, emotional, or physical stimuli. These triggers can be anything from homophobia, stigma, discrimination, violence, a social gathering that serves alcohol, or an emotional upheaval. When a queer person is not able to work through their urges with healthy coping mechanisms, they may turn to alcohol that they used in the past or pick up something new. If this queer person is not able to rebound and return to sobriety, and continue their use, this is a relapse. While a relapse looks different for every LGBTQ+ individual, a key component is additional unexpected use.

Supporting an LGBTQ+ Loved One’s Recovery from Alcohol Relapse

If you’re wondering what to say to an LGBTQ+ person who relapsed or what to do when an LGBTQ+ person relapses, read these 5 important tips.

• Don’t Blame. The LGBTQ+ person who has relapsed is likely feeling a lot of guilt and shame already. Adding to that will do no good, as piling on the shame or blame may just exacerbate this feeling for the queer loved one. If you haven’t struggled with alcohol addiction, it’s hard to comprehend just how strongly it can hijack the life of the LGBTQ+ individual, making it extremely difficult to stop using it. It’s not just a matter of willpower. 

• Identify and remove triggers. For many LGBTQ+ people in alcohol relapse, being in the presence of alcohol and other substance triggers can be anxiety-provoking and relentlessly tempting. Removing triggers from your LGBTQ+ loved one’s immediate environment will help them focus energy on positive, healing thoughts. Take care to remove alcohol from your home if your queer loved one spends time there. Ideally, it should be free from any alcohol or intoxicating substance. Offer to help them clear their home of any tempting substance. In addition to mitigating at-home relapse risks, you can also help your LGBTQ+ loved one avoid social situations that may be triggering. These might include outings at bars, clubs, or parties where alcohol is prevalent. In situations when your queer loved one feels uncomfortable declining a night out, you can help them rehearse conversations or craft responses to invitations.

1. Address Their Feelings. Allow yourself to feel the many emotions around the LGBTQ+ loved one’s addiction relapse. Don’t judge your emotions. They’re all valid. Express them in healthy ways without taking them out on your queer loved one. Some healthy ways to cope with strong emotions includes Journaling, talking to a trusted friend or family member, allowing yourself to cry, yell, or hit a pillow, exercising, or even meditating. Give yourself some space before you speak with the LGBTQ+ loved one about their relapse. Once the emotions from your LGBTQ+ individual’s alcohol relapse feel less raw and intense, try to speak with them about it. It’s okay to express your feelings to them, but try to do so in a way that doesn’t cast blame and show non-support.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries. If you’re wondering what to do when an LGBTQ+ person relapses, this should be at the top of the list. Keeping healthy boundaries for the relapsed LGBTQ+ person can be in the form of not supporting them financially while they’re in active addiction, not bailing them out of legal or financial trouble tied to alcohol misuse, and not making excuses for them if they skip work, school, or social obligations. Keeping your boundaries when the LGBTQ+ loved one relapses may feel like you’re kicking them when they’re down, but that’s not the case. There’s a difference between supporting and enabling. Keeping healthy boundaries means that you love them and support them, but you will not support their self-destructive behaviors like alcohol abuse. Let them know you want to be the first person they call when they’re ready to attend substance use treatment and get back on track, but you love them too much to enable the behaviors that are contributing to their alcohol addiction.
3. Discuss Treatment Options. Your LGBTQ+ loved one’s relapse does not mean they will never live a rewarding, sober life. The event should simply be interpreted as a warning that the individual requires further treatment and care. Every queer person handles addiction differently, and treatment is not one-size-fits-all. Some LGBTQ+ people may need to continue with the same treatment methods for longer periods of time before they can truly see a difference. Other LGBTQ+ people may need to tweak their current alcohol rehab routine to better suit their needs or pursue different forms of treatment altogether.

Your queer loved one can boost their chances of long-term recovery by complementing traditional therapies with creative expression such as art therapy and holistic healing such as yoga. If your LGBTQ+ loved one hasn’t begun to voice their need for alcohol addiction treatment, it’s still a good practice to have this information available to them when they are ready.

Take the Next Right Step with Inspire Recovery 

Here at Inspire Recovery, we understand how devastating a relapse can feel. This is especially true for those LGBTQ people who have already been through the process of alcohol detox and may require another one. However, they must always remember that in life, it’s not how they fall, it’s how they get back up. Sometimes getting back up requires alcohol detox, and that’s okay. The key is to take the next right step, and our steps will lead you or your LGBTQ+ loved one to the positive life and recovery they once never thought possible. If you feel like you or an LGBTQ+ loved one may be struggling with addiction, we can help. For more information on recovering from a relapse and the next treatment steps to take, call Inspire Recovery at 561-763-9837.